You would think I would learn to put the eggs out of a childs reach after the first incident. It was getting close to easter and I had done the weekly shopping making sure I picked up the extra eggs for the Easter Bunny to color. The small town we lived in had 2 grocery stores but of course there was no competition just price fixing so the expense was a little higher than we normally paid. I picked up 6 dozen eggs along with the rest of the groceries and had the bag boy load them in the car.
Hamilton is a tiny town located in N.W. Missouri, just a bump in the road, a blurb on the map, but the boyhood home of J.C. Penney, as everyone will tell you again, and again, and again on and on and on. So do you get the picture. We lived in a 2 story prarie style home (not quite as grand as others you have seen) complete with wonderful woodwork and beveled glass in the front door and built-in bookcases. In the foyer was a built in seat that doubled as the cold air return. Well just as I finished unloading all the bags into the house and had them set on the seat, nature called and I had to run upstairs to answer the call. I grabbed the Enquirer because I knew I would be more than a few moments. After taking care of business, I started downstairs and stopped on the landing as I spied my middle daughter taking her turn at “Bowling for Dollars” with the last of the 6 dozen eggs. The floor in front of the door, where they were bowling, was a mass of shells, yolks and the wiggliest slimiest egg whites that has ever been my misfortune to come across. Do you know how had it is to get that gunk up off of tile……..? Yuck! After putting away the remainder of the refrigerated food, I loaded the car with kids and went to the store to buy more eggs. So instead of Hy-Klas, we went to IGA so that no one would question what happened to the eggs I had bought only 20min. before.
Now if I could end my tale there it would be great but having 3 children at the time the stories build and continue. Not more than 5 months later my youngest daughter decided to get up early and to do something really nice for her mommy, who slept like the dead (in other words like a brick). She went to our kitchen and got a skillet, brought it into the living room and proceeded to place it in the middle of the room on the (then fashionable) harvest gold shag carpet. She then went back to the kitchen and got a dozen eggs and brought them to the other side of the room by the loveseats that had wood arms. There she set up her kitchen and cracked the eggs on the arm of the loveseat and carried the remainder to the skillet in the middle of the room.
As I finally rolled over and decided to get up from bed, one of her sisters came in and said that the littlest was making me breakfast. Of course I thought she meant cereal and was horrified as I once again hit the landing and could see what she was doing. All I remember was yelling STOP! and in one fell swoop was down the stairs grabbing her chubby little hand in one of my own while grabbing for the phone to call Hy-Klas. The poor clerk thought I was crazy as I screamed into the phone, “quick have someone deliver the steam clean machine, I have egg on my carpet”. So I have no moral to this story…….just a hard fast rule…….children are not allowed in any way shape or form around my eggs lest I end up with egg on my face.
